It would be like Scary Movie and Meet The Spartans, but called Awesome Movie. It is the best film move show ever made and will make me bajillions in monetary funds so maybe there is a sequel in the works like a National Lampoon movie sequel starring Jim Varney or something.
It's about a trucker called Big Buddy and his little wannabe rockstar buddy Little Buddy.
So anyway, Big Buddy is a long-haul pro American eighteen wheeler trucker with fists of iron and a love for T-bone steak. He's a champ on the American trucker arm wrestling circuit just like Sylvester Stallone is. He like totally fancies this woman who works as a waitress at this road side diner called "Uncle Sloppy's". Big Buddy is getting old, and his little brother Little Timmy died from Little Timmy disease and junk so Big Buddy don't go nobody no how cuz they was truckin' buddies.
Little Buddy is a wannabe emo rockstar who wishes to one day be on posters in every 17 year old emo girl's bedroom, and maybe star in some movies where he plays a lot of basketball and magically transforms into Joey from Friends. He's all like bumming it across America with his guitar. Bear in mind that "bumming" is an English coloquialism and in North Crank it is their alternative word for "accomodationally challenged". Little Buddy looks JUST LIKE Little Timmy.
So anyway Big Buddy is like totally truckin' along, takin' some springbeans to Utah. That's right, springbeans to Utah. Tonight. He's all lonely listening to Lurlene Tankareye or something playing country music on the country music radio about how her man has huge fuckin' hands that he works on cars with, and Big Buddy is all like "pmg, why caint I have a wiminfolk too ?" but sadly Big Buddy is a retard and can not read or write or do long division. This is a sad scene. This movie will certainly be successful.
Little Buddy just played another Highschool gig, but like all the totally most popular girls in school think he's like a total dork and they're all saying stuff like "omigod, that is sooooooo grody, like gag me with a spoon I AM SURE" so Little Buddy's jaloppy is all broked and stuff because he's barely starving and his band members are all dropping out and such, so Little Buddy through the aid of a humorous montage of short scenes is now stranded asleep in a bus shelter in the middle of the night on a desert highway. The nearest town, buttwipe, is like one billion squillion miles away which is almost as much as four kilometres or something.
Big Buddy is asleep at the wheel like usual at 3am on a desert highway and dreamin' about how one day he'll have everything, even a purty girl like on the radio programme show. THEN HE ALMOST ROLLS OVER THE BUS STOP LITTLE BUDDY IS SLEEPING UNDER LIKE HOLY SHIT WHAT A CLIFF HANGER !
But naw, Big Buddy wakes up in time, and he is all like "holy sheeeeeeit boy, I nurly dun run you down !" and Little Buddy is all going like "YOU AINT MY PA !" and Big Buddy is all screamin' "SHUT UP LITTLE TIMMY, IF ANYTHIN' HAPPIN TO YEW, THEN THE MOOZIK DIES !" so Little Buddy is all like playin this awesome country song and the sun comes up.
Anyways, Big Buddy needs the company so decides to give Little Buddy a ride. Along they way they get chased by a grizzly bear when washing their dirty underpants in a stream, and Little Buddy is taught how to love by an enormous hooker at a roadside motel. He is never the same again. This is truly a shame and hammers home how emotionally powerful this film movie show is.
Little Buddy realises Big Buddy has been drivin' in circles for ages and is all goin' "pmg you caint read kentya !" and Big Buddy is all goin' "IT'S TRUE PA, I CAINT READ !" then Little Buddy is all like "IT'S OK LITTLE TIMMY IS HERE NOW BIG BUDDY" and Big Buddy is all like "TEN FOUR LITTLE BUDDY". So now Big Buddy can like totally read and Little Buddy got molested by a big lady named Madame Grape Soda who lives with her twelve children and eighty pigs at the sewage plant.
So now the two bestest of pals are all like groovy, listenin' to happy country music like The Carpenters and Dragonforce and Sex & The City and wearing some awesome sunglasses Big Buddy made from toenails. Big Buddy gets into this fight with this huge muscular biker and Little Buddy trashes his guitar when he is hitting the moustachioed biker with it to knock him unconcious but this does not work and then Big Buddy is like challenging Mac (that's the biker's name and junk) to a big arm wrestling armwrestling-off at the nearby diner called Uncle Sloppy's and Big Budy is totally in love with the waitress there. Her name is Jayne or something because they like that name in Alabama I think. She is a redhead with a beehive hairdo and is tall and skinny and always looks really really tired. Her husband hits her sometimes so she haz a sad and a black eye.
omg MAC IS JAYNE'S HUSBAND HOW CAN THIS BE !?
So Big Buddy is arm wrestling Mac at the big arm wrestling armwrestling-off and there's like synthesised rock music and songs like Push It To The Limit and Four Little Diamons playing in the background because it's an 1980s teen and buddy movie and it's a sweatty man scene guest starring Hulk Hogan as Hunk Hogie. Hunk Hogie is wobbling his jowels and being patriotic by being sweatty and nude save a pair of bananna yellow speedos. Hunk Hogie is a classy fellow.
Anyway, Big Buddy just wins against Mac after lots of sweatting and slow motion shots of people looking shocked and awed and then Jayne is all like I'm totally divorcing Mac and marrying Big Buddy and then Little Buddy plays his teen puker music to the grizzled old truckers and they like it even more than those cowboys liked Boy George's mincing in that one episode of The A-Team but there's no Mr. T pretending he is hip and happening in this movie because Mr. T wasn't popular until he did those Snickers ads on tv. Snickers is really called Marathon because Snickers is a stupid fucking name for a high energy snack.
Big Buddy gets all married to Jayne and stuff and Little Buddy teaches baseball to the Mexican orphans and teaches the President how to laugh and be totally rad.
The end.
